What do you do when a student dies? I thought that question was moot, until I got a call at 5 a.m. telling me one of my kids died in an accident. I just saw him the day before, happy and whole. My first considerations were my own grief, and the grieving of my staff. Then it stuck me: how do I help my class grieve?
Grief won't be strange to our kids. We may imagine that our more severely disabled kids will be sheltered from grief, yet they might be the most likely to have a classmate or someone they know die. Some disabled students students are also medically fragile, or their developmental differences make them more vulnerable to disease or accidents. The fact that our students can't always express that grief doesn't make it less important to help them. Perhaps the opposite is true. I remember when one of my autistic boys who went home each weekend lost a friend from his disabled Sunday School class. He flipped out on his Mom on the ways home from church. She believes it may have been a reaction to the loss. I wonder if he would have done better if his Sunday School class would have spent time talking about it.
Too often we may ignore the needs of special education students to talk about the loss of a loved one or a friend. When grandma or grandpa die, why pretend nothing happened? If you can talk to your child lovingly and in a way that they can understand, and perhaps do an activity together that can help them process some of the really feelings, you will help them build resilience to deal with other losses.
To read more, visit Helping Special Ed Students with Grief.
Comments
Congratulations Gerry!
Thank you for talking about this issue. Most people are so uncomfortable talking about death that they avoid talking about it to the people that need it the most.
I will be having a lot of conversations about death, dieing, and what we (the living) should do in response.
See you later.
Jerry-you are the best! This is such a hard thing to deal with and you are such a great example to everyone here. You are loved
Sudden death of a young person is always such a shock. My brother’s son was killed in a car accident right before his 22nd birthday and also his college graduation. All you can do is know it’s okay to cry and let the grief out. When time passes it helps to talk about the good memories. They are never really gone then. It takes time though. Sorry for your loss.
Fall is such a beautiful time around this place. The colors are so amazing; I could never imagine anything would elevate that mood until the tragic death of one of the kids. We have been talking about the beauty of fall in the classroom, trying to teach my kids to appreciate such beauty. Today one of the kids commented that those who pass on get the opportunity to be part of fall decoration. That gave me an idea; my kids spent some time trying to be part of this unique creation of colors. Death did not seem too bad by the end of the morning
Comfort for grievers: Just as we built the submarine Nautilus, the Moon ship Columbia and the International Space Station we use Science to invent Heaven, go around Relativistic, curved Space/Time, upload everybody including the Galilee Carpenter and give Him His well deserved Kingdom because we want to and can. We are the Body of Christ. (1 Corinthians 12:27). All Carpenters use their Bodies to build things. Faith inspires Science and Science fulfills Faith. We grow up in all ways into Christ. (Ephesians 4:10). He ascends far above the Heavens that He might fill all things. (Ephesians 4:10.) Time Circles (General Relativity and the first chapter of Ecclesiastes). Christ is the Vine. The Father is the Vine dresser. (John 15:1:2). God guides His own evolution and We evolve into the Omega Point. Animals also go to Heaven or how could it be paradise? Not even a sparrow falls without the Father. (Matthew 10:29) They too have souls. The same word for soul in Job 12:10 is the word for breath in Genesis 2:7 where “the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” I am autistic. I am writing a book called How God Exists. None of us are crazy and many of us are definitely not retarded.
My child has approx. 75 words and 3-4 sentences now but back in 1994 when my mother passed away I noticed she was looking for her and back then she had no speech or very little but I taught her the sign for dead and when the disney version came out she looked at the screen and she moved her hands for the sign for dead it is important to tell our children when somebody passes on even thought it is a hard concept to learn it can be done. Sharon
I have worked with medically fragile profoundly mentally/physically handicapped children for over 30 years
I have seen many leave this world before their time.
I have spoken at memorial serivices written poems to reflect what hty meant to fridns and family. As cognitively challenged as my kids were I always took the time to talk to them individually about the loss of a classmate. Somehow I have always thought that was the way to do selfishly it worked for me and i think it helpedbring some closure to my students.
Death of a student in a special ed setting is devestating for all involved. I was fortunate to have UMDNG Suicide Prevention Team come in and help my student and staff and myself deal with all the issues related to this kind of trajedy. I wish you and you staff the best. V. Alomar
Jerry, you’re absolutely right about this issue. My son lost his grandparents within eight months of each other and to this day he still looks at their old house when we drive by and we visit their resting place that has a photo of them. He’s non-verbal, does he understand he feel the grief all of us feel? I think he does and it sometimes tears me apart to experience it but our family tries to make up for it by talking about all the good they were to all of us including pictures etc. You never know truly the extent of communication with a non-verbal child. Good topic, and thank you.
About 8 years ago, I lost a 13 year old student in a tragic car accident. I found out when I came into school in the morning. I was in shock. In fact, my principal made me go home. My other students were my real concern, because this death was the first one many of them ever had to deal with. They were troopers. We all went to the funeral, the students went with a couple of the parents and my principal took me. No one is ever prepared for an unexpected death, but when a teenager dies, it is very difficult. Thank you for approaching this subject. It is a part of our lives we don’t like to deal with.